People who have seriously pissed me off

Dave is not the sort of person who makes enemies. Ask most anyone who knows him, and they will tell you Dave is a jovial kind of guy, who can get along with just about anybody. However, a few people have taken advantage of Dave, or otherwise screwed him over, and have made it onto his official Twit List. Said list follows:

Shellie Bowden

To summarize: Friend (and co-worker) leaves wife, moves in with Dave.

Friend begins dating boss's daughter.

Boss tells daughter, "Stop dating employee, or leave my home."

Daughter leaves home.

Friend and daughter ask Dave, "Can daughter move in?"

Dave is soft touch.

Over summer, boss's daughter morph's into co-dependant, manipulative bitch.

Friend moves into bachelor pad, to re-think relationship with wife.

Daughter spends every night, and eventually every day in bachelor pad.

Friend moves in with sister, to re-think relationship with wife.

Daughter harasses sister's family repeatedly until brother-in-law makes serious threats

Daughter turns to Dave to communicate her intense need for friend

Dave continues to be nice guy until this shows up on his answering machine

Dave says enough is enough, calls police and gives copy of tape to boss

Daughter freaks, threatens Dave.

Dave ignores daughter, goes on with life

Prologue - Daughter latched onto some other poor schmuck, and Friend has had two children with wife.

Mark "Fungus Boy" Heltsley

To summarize: Friend says to Dave, "Boyfriend is living with me, that's no good, can he live with you for a couple months until he finds a place of his own?"

Dave is soft touch.

Boyfriend seems nice enough, if a bit gruff.

Dave learns Boyfriend is porking anything in a skirt. Ethical dilemma.

Boyfriend dumps friend. New ethical dilemma.

Dave learns that Ex-Boyfriend (heretofore known as Scum) has tendency to slug people. But, because Dave is nice guy, and has made commitment to Scum, lets him stay.

Dave meets future bride who lives across state.

Dave gets bank statement, discovers a check he didn't write.

Dave confronts Scum. Scum blames friend who had some unsupervised access to house.

Scum acts hurt that Dave could have thought him responsible. Says friend will never have access to house again.

Dave is soft touch.

Scum suddenly becomes less visible. (Later it is learned that he lost his job because he slugged a co-worker.)

While preparing to visit future bride, Dave discovers more funds missing from bank account.

Dave discovers four more checks missing from unused books.

Dave is pissed.

Dave: 1) Changes locks 2) Places Scum's belongings on porch 3) Put note on door 4) Spent 90 minutes on hold with police 5) Went to Seattle

Next morning, Dave's parents report that house has been broken into.

Scum stole clothes, CDs, a video game, and deodorant

To make things worse, Bank refuses to refund forged checks, "Dave failed to protect Bank." A letter to the Comptroller of the Currency fixed that.

Prologue - Last Scum sighting, living in a tent on People's Beach, alone and unemployed. Friend is more than just a little embarrassed.

Black VW Golf, WA Lic. 535 FWH

The only person on the Twit List without a name, this little bimbo is the worst driver Dave has ever had the misfortune to experience. Judge for yourself:

Setup: Dave is on his way to work. It's a bit late, around 10am. Dave is approaching the single left turn lane.

The left turn arrow turns yellow, so Dave slows down, not wanting to throw himself in front of oncoming traffic.

Aforementioned Bimbo is in the car behind Dave, and lays into her horn for not speeding through the yellow light.

After a few seconds, the traffic in the lane to the right clears up, although oncoming traffic is still heavy.

Bimbo decides to take advantage of clear right-hand lane, pull around Dave, and place herself in front of him in the intersection. (In case the reader is thoroughly confused, a visual aid is available.)

Dave is pissed. He has never experienced anything quite this rude.

Dave copies down Bimbo's license plate number, and spends the next several evenings fantasizing about unique automotive-related tortures.

Prologue - Bimbo has not shown herself to Dave again. Beware the Bimbo!